Today it is back to work after a great Memorial Day weekend. If you are from Mt. Carroll, this weekend is synonymous with Mayfest. I love Mayfest. Always have. My hubby isn't that into it, but I am trying to make Mayfest an exciting, highly anticipated event for J as well.
I talked up Mayfest for the whole week before it so that J would be into going and festing with me. I kicked off my Mayfest with the walk/run on Saturday morning. Afterwards, J and I headed over to check things out. J was bubbling with excitement. This year, one of the featured kids activities was a Big Machine section complete with a fire truck, ambulance, tractors, backhoes and mowers. There was also a dune buggy. Luckily, we were the only people there for the first hour or so and J got to have his run of the place. He fell in love with the dune buggy and told me at one point "get in mommy, I am driving this home." I was able to bribe J to leave the dune buggy with the promise of a train ride and lunch.
The train was a rickety, three car train that was driven by a young man with no concept of the fact that he shouldn't drive over curbs or bumps at high rates of speed. I was terrified. J loved it. We then ventured to the food tent where I was faced with the impossible task of deciding with traditional Mayfest food to enjoy: A pork chop sandwich from the pork producers? Corn on the cob from the Lions? Or a Baptist Men's funnel cake? Tough call. J opted for a hot dog and the corn (which he refused to share with me) and I took a pork chop sandwich. It was a great choice.
Once our bellies were full we continued our circuit of the Campbell Center grounds. One booth offered face painting and temporary tattoos. J would never go for a painted face, but a tattoo sounded good to him. The board outside the booth displayed the design options. I suggested a green frog or Batman emblem. J requested a red devil tattoo that would only have fit across his chest or back. We passed on the tattoo as I figured 3 was a little too young for him to have satan emblazoned on his body. Maybe next year though ;)
We returned later that evening for music and dancing. J cut a rug with his buddies and my dad played with the band. After sending J home with grandma, I got to have some time to catch up with old friends. This is hands down the best part of Mayfest to me. I love how we can all come together each year and easily fall back into conversation with one another as though we never left off. Many laughs were had and my stomach muscles hurt the next day from all of the riotous laughter we shared. It was also fun to see every one's growing families. I really can't believe we all have kids! I remember being a kid and going to Mayfest myself. Wandering around the campus, going to the teen dance, working in the booths for various clubs and school groups, doing the Maypole dance. Now, we all have little ones to bring along and share the fun with.
This Mayfest was one of the best ones I can recall. We had very un-Mayfest like weather. Hot, sunny and NO RAIN! The weekend was capped by celebrating Memorial Day and the folks that guaranteed our freedom to be here today to enjoy ourselves. 363 days until next year!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
My Anni
Today (May 10, 2012) is my ninth wedding anniversary. Wow. 9 years. That seems like an eternity! What is even crazier is that my hubby and I have been together for 13 years (our first date was also this week in 1999).
I texted my husband earlier this week to point out that we had been together for 13 wonderful (mostly) years. He responded that first date anniversaries were not recognized as actual anniversaries and therefore he was not obliged to provide any sort of gift or card. I told him I wasn't expecting anything for the first date anni, just that I wanted to point it out that we have been madly in love for 13 years now. To which he replied, "13? I am now weeping." Hands off ladies, he's all mine.
Thirteen years ago I was working part time at a local grocery store while I attended college. My future hubby frequented that store and despite my grubby work clothes and pulled back, messy pony tail, he asked me out. Or more accurately, asked me out after he had sought the advice of one of my co workers as to whether or not I would go on a date with one of HIS friends. My co worker asked why he didn't just ask me out. She must have assured him that on a "regular" day I wore clean clothes and actually brushed my hair, so he took a leap and asked. And the rest, as they say, is history.
Our first date was a romantic dinner for two at a local bistro called....Sievert's. That's right, Sievert's. Maybe he didn't want to drive out of town in case dinner bombed and he had to rush me home. But, dinner went well and I was invited back to his house to watch a movie. We arrived at his house and after I was attacked by his cat, we put a movie in, but got distracted by an intense game of Star Wars Trivial Pursuit. (Yes, I see now why he may have still been single.) I still say that the game was a test and that my knowledge of Star Wars must have been impressive enough to warrant a second date because couple days later, he asked me out again and he have been together ever since.
At that time, I had two years of college to finish and lived between the dorms at NIU and home with my p's and made lots of weekend trips home to see Ryan and to work. After college graduation in May 2001, I got my own cute little apartment and lived there while construction of our dream home started that fall. Our engagement came that Christmas and we moved into our new home in March 2002 . Our wedding followed in May 2003. The four years leading up to our wedding seem like a blur now (although back that I never thought the big day would arrive!).
Ryan and I lived as a family of two (well, 3 if you count our rotten cat, Max) for the next five plus years. We adjusted to each other's habits and settled into a good groove as a married couple. Our lives were again changed by welcoming Jackson in August 2008. Hard to believe we have been a family of three for nearly four years.
As I look back over 13 years, so much has happened! College, marriage, starting my career, Ryan starting his dream business, having a child, building a home. It is really a bit overwhelming. We have both changed so much in that time. I barely recognize the kids that went on a first date 13 years ago! I have seen Ryan turn into a wonderful father and seen him achieve so much over the years. And I know I am much diffrent now too. But, even though we have changed, we are lucky that we have changed together. That the people we have become are as compatible as the two dorks who both loved playing Star Wars Trivial Pursuit.
As any married couple, have had our ups and downs. But, I think we have a good thing going. No one knows me better than Ryan and there is no one I have ever known better than him. When I have news to share, he is the first person I want to tell. I know he will support anything I do and will be honest with me no matter what. He is, at times, my voice of reason (whether I want to hear it or not), but he is also always my ally. And most importantly, he can put up with me. That in itself makes him a keeper. We may drive each other mad from time to time, but each day there is no one I want to be with more.
Happy 9th to my hubby!
I texted my husband earlier this week to point out that we had been together for 13 wonderful (mostly) years. He responded that first date anniversaries were not recognized as actual anniversaries and therefore he was not obliged to provide any sort of gift or card. I told him I wasn't expecting anything for the first date anni, just that I wanted to point it out that we have been madly in love for 13 years now. To which he replied, "13? I am now weeping." Hands off ladies, he's all mine.
Thirteen years ago I was working part time at a local grocery store while I attended college. My future hubby frequented that store and despite my grubby work clothes and pulled back, messy pony tail, he asked me out. Or more accurately, asked me out after he had sought the advice of one of my co workers as to whether or not I would go on a date with one of HIS friends. My co worker asked why he didn't just ask me out. She must have assured him that on a "regular" day I wore clean clothes and actually brushed my hair, so he took a leap and asked. And the rest, as they say, is history.
Our first date was a romantic dinner for two at a local bistro called....Sievert's. That's right, Sievert's. Maybe he didn't want to drive out of town in case dinner bombed and he had to rush me home. But, dinner went well and I was invited back to his house to watch a movie. We arrived at his house and after I was attacked by his cat, we put a movie in, but got distracted by an intense game of Star Wars Trivial Pursuit. (Yes, I see now why he may have still been single.) I still say that the game was a test and that my knowledge of Star Wars must have been impressive enough to warrant a second date because couple days later, he asked me out again and he have been together ever since.
At that time, I had two years of college to finish and lived between the dorms at NIU and home with my p's and made lots of weekend trips home to see Ryan and to work. After college graduation in May 2001, I got my own cute little apartment and lived there while construction of our dream home started that fall. Our engagement came that Christmas and we moved into our new home in March 2002 . Our wedding followed in May 2003. The four years leading up to our wedding seem like a blur now (although back that I never thought the big day would arrive!).
Ryan and I lived as a family of two (well, 3 if you count our rotten cat, Max) for the next five plus years. We adjusted to each other's habits and settled into a good groove as a married couple. Our lives were again changed by welcoming Jackson in August 2008. Hard to believe we have been a family of three for nearly four years.
As I look back over 13 years, so much has happened! College, marriage, starting my career, Ryan starting his dream business, having a child, building a home. It is really a bit overwhelming. We have both changed so much in that time. I barely recognize the kids that went on a first date 13 years ago! I have seen Ryan turn into a wonderful father and seen him achieve so much over the years. And I know I am much diffrent now too. But, even though we have changed, we are lucky that we have changed together. That the people we have become are as compatible as the two dorks who both loved playing Star Wars Trivial Pursuit.
As any married couple, have had our ups and downs. But, I think we have a good thing going. No one knows me better than Ryan and there is no one I have ever known better than him. When I have news to share, he is the first person I want to tell. I know he will support anything I do and will be honest with me no matter what. He is, at times, my voice of reason (whether I want to hear it or not), but he is also always my ally. And most importantly, he can put up with me. That in itself makes him a keeper. We may drive each other mad from time to time, but each day there is no one I want to be with more.
Happy 9th to my hubby!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Public Parent Embarassment
Well, it happened. J's first public melt down. Until last weekend, he had always been a cooperative, happy shopping companion. And I totally took that for granted.
The instance in question occurred last weekend during a routine shopping trip. The day started poorly. At 5.a.m, I might add. J was in a mood. Not his normal self, to be sure. He was grouchy, whiny and just plain foul at points. Before 8am, he had served two times outs accompanied by tantrums. I will admit, I probably should have abandonded the idea of grocery shopping given how the day started. But, my time is limited due to work and I just didn't know when else I would get it done. So, I forged ahead.
The trip to the store and shopping went well until the point that we checked out. I had the groceries loaded onto the checkout counter and that is when it happened. J spotted a Hot Wheels car that he absolutely must have. He asked if he could have it and I told him "no." As I explained to him that his behavior so far that day had not been good enough for him to deserve a toy from the store, the pouty lip popped out and the tears welled up in his big brown eyes. I knew what was coming. I felt like I was witnessing a car wreck. I could see it happening, but could do nothing to prevent it.
J started to scream. An ear piercing "I WANT THE CAR!" wail that he repeated over and over. My own mantra for him was "I said no, and this is why. When does a fit get you what you want? Never." I will admit that I was probably repeating my mantra a little too loudly. Mostly for the benefit of the passers by who I am sure thought some sort of abuse was occurring due to the volume of J's wailing.
Then it happened. As if it wasn't bad enough to be weathering my first public melt down, the cashier decided she would "help" me. She looked at J and said, "honey, if you stop crying, your mommy might buy you that toy." Um, what? I couldn't believe it! Had she really just said that? No, I must be mistaken. But then , sure enough, she said it again. I told her that I didn't intend to buy the toy, especially now that J was pitching a fit. She said "Well, I said you MIGHT buy the toy for him." Oh, sure, because an inconsolable 3 year old really heard the MIGHT in that statement! As patiently as I could, I explained that I didn't believe in rewarding a tantrum with a toy. I thought that would put the issue to rest.
Oh, how wrong I was. J stopped crying so twice more this cashier said to J "See how good you are being? I am almost done and your mommy is going to buy that toy for you!" Then she gives me a conspiritorial smile and says "I have four kids." I think I was too dumbfounded to speak. Which is good because all I could think of was a sarcastic "yeah, and I bet they're awesome!" I turned away so as not to loose it and finally the cashier announced my total as well as "All done! Now, should I ring up that toy mom?" I again said no and I didn't appreciate being put on the spot that way. To which she replied "Geez, if I had a dollar, I would just buy it FOR him." Yeah, because that was the point, lady!
There are two things of note that came from this experience. 1.) I have way more self control that I ever imagined. I kept my cool with the 3 year old whose head was spinning around like the girl from the Exorcist AND I managed not to flip out on the cashier. It was ah-may-zing on my part, I think. And 2.) No one should intervene when you are dealing with your kids. (With the exception of someone who is being abusive, of course). I have personally never done this to another parent and never will. I was embarassed by the tantrum, but became mortified by this woman who essentially accused me of not handling the situation right. How about a little support instead of ridicule? How about a supportive "your mommy is right, crying never gets you anything buddy!" Would that have been so hard? I was standing my ground. I was not being mean or abusive to him. He was not hurt in some way, he was being a stinker. And I was NOT going to be the parent that says no and then sheepishly gives in and buys the toy. This is why: because if I give in once, J will learn that having a hissy fit gets him his way. And it doesn't. Ever. Did I want him stop crying? Yes! More than anything! But I really believe that if I had given in, it would have been the beginning of the end.
So there it is. My first public tantrum situation. And I survived it! Barely! So for all the moms reading this, hopefully you will feel better about your own embarassing moments. You are not alone. I am now in your ranks and will never take my usually good natured, happy boy for granted.
The instance in question occurred last weekend during a routine shopping trip. The day started poorly. At 5.a.m, I might add. J was in a mood. Not his normal self, to be sure. He was grouchy, whiny and just plain foul at points. Before 8am, he had served two times outs accompanied by tantrums. I will admit, I probably should have abandonded the idea of grocery shopping given how the day started. But, my time is limited due to work and I just didn't know when else I would get it done. So, I forged ahead.
The trip to the store and shopping went well until the point that we checked out. I had the groceries loaded onto the checkout counter and that is when it happened. J spotted a Hot Wheels car that he absolutely must have. He asked if he could have it and I told him "no." As I explained to him that his behavior so far that day had not been good enough for him to deserve a toy from the store, the pouty lip popped out and the tears welled up in his big brown eyes. I knew what was coming. I felt like I was witnessing a car wreck. I could see it happening, but could do nothing to prevent it.
J started to scream. An ear piercing "I WANT THE CAR!" wail that he repeated over and over. My own mantra for him was "I said no, and this is why. When does a fit get you what you want? Never." I will admit that I was probably repeating my mantra a little too loudly. Mostly for the benefit of the passers by who I am sure thought some sort of abuse was occurring due to the volume of J's wailing.
Then it happened. As if it wasn't bad enough to be weathering my first public melt down, the cashier decided she would "help" me. She looked at J and said, "honey, if you stop crying, your mommy might buy you that toy." Um, what? I couldn't believe it! Had she really just said that? No, I must be mistaken. But then , sure enough, she said it again. I told her that I didn't intend to buy the toy, especially now that J was pitching a fit. She said "Well, I said you MIGHT buy the toy for him." Oh, sure, because an inconsolable 3 year old really heard the MIGHT in that statement! As patiently as I could, I explained that I didn't believe in rewarding a tantrum with a toy. I thought that would put the issue to rest.
Oh, how wrong I was. J stopped crying so twice more this cashier said to J "See how good you are being? I am almost done and your mommy is going to buy that toy for you!" Then she gives me a conspiritorial smile and says "I have four kids." I think I was too dumbfounded to speak. Which is good because all I could think of was a sarcastic "yeah, and I bet they're awesome!" I turned away so as not to loose it and finally the cashier announced my total as well as "All done! Now, should I ring up that toy mom?" I again said no and I didn't appreciate being put on the spot that way. To which she replied "Geez, if I had a dollar, I would just buy it FOR him." Yeah, because that was the point, lady!
There are two things of note that came from this experience. 1.) I have way more self control that I ever imagined. I kept my cool with the 3 year old whose head was spinning around like the girl from the Exorcist AND I managed not to flip out on the cashier. It was ah-may-zing on my part, I think. And 2.) No one should intervene when you are dealing with your kids. (With the exception of someone who is being abusive, of course). I have personally never done this to another parent and never will. I was embarassed by the tantrum, but became mortified by this woman who essentially accused me of not handling the situation right. How about a little support instead of ridicule? How about a supportive "your mommy is right, crying never gets you anything buddy!" Would that have been so hard? I was standing my ground. I was not being mean or abusive to him. He was not hurt in some way, he was being a stinker. And I was NOT going to be the parent that says no and then sheepishly gives in and buys the toy. This is why: because if I give in once, J will learn that having a hissy fit gets him his way. And it doesn't. Ever. Did I want him stop crying? Yes! More than anything! But I really believe that if I had given in, it would have been the beginning of the end.
So there it is. My first public tantrum situation. And I survived it! Barely! So for all the moms reading this, hopefully you will feel better about your own embarassing moments. You are not alone. I am now in your ranks and will never take my usually good natured, happy boy for granted.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Easter 2012
Another Easter is in the books. I thought we had our weekend mapped out, but everything got turned a little upside down. Plans fell through and others were made. But in the end, it turned out to be one of my favorite Easters ever.
Jackson and I dyed Easter eggs on Good Friday. We also kept busy making M&M/frosting/pretzel flowers. Well, I made flowers, J ate M&M's. It was a good partnership. We needed the pretty, bright colored M&M's for the "petals" but not the brown ones. J was free to consume as many of those as he wanted. Our eggs turned out great and he was really into coloring them this year. We had great weather and took the eggs and dye onto the porch for coloring. We had a few splashes (when eggs are dropped into a cup of dye, it tends slosh onto the table). We had a few cracked eggs. And we learned that vinegar not only smells bad, it tastes bad too (I swear this child tastes EVERYTHING!).
Materpieces! The flowers were delicious!
We spent Saturday morning at a kids event held at a local church. There were crafts, a bouncy house, egg hunts and even lunch! J hung out with one of his buddies from daycare and declared on the way home that "I'm tired. That wore me out." So, we napped! Hooray! Nap time was followed up with church and pizza dinner.
All lined up to hunt eggs. I turned around and saw this.
He just loves Miss Maddie!
But Sunday was the highlight of the weekend for me. Our plans were changing continually for the days leading up to Easter. Ultimately, we decided to take a laid back approach to the day. J rose early (as usual) excited to see if the Easter Bunny had come. He found a couple eggs before spying his basket. The Easter Bunny had been inspired by something he read. It said that a good gift for a child consists of: something they want, something they need, something they wear and something to read. Based on this, J's basket held a Hiro train (from his favorite Thomas video), a new frisbee (to replace our old one that broke), a short and t-shirt set and some books to help learn sight words. But, Easter Bunny could have saved a bunch of money and just bought the train. J was ELATED with Hiro. He played with that train all day, slept with it that night and took it to daycare the next day. Even when he was hunting the rest of his eggs, his mind is still on Hiro:
"I got a Hiro!"
All smiles posing with Hiro.
After the eggs were found (all 18 - no one was free to go until they were all located. No stinky eggs for us!), we let J pick our activites for the morning. He chose playing at the park followed by throwing rocks into the Mississippi. We slid, climbed and swang. We skipped stones and even got to see a train go by while we were down by the river. Mostly though, we ran around and laughed and were silly:
Not thrilled about him calling me by my first name.
Also, notice his dad doing nothing to discourage him :)
My Boys :)
All smiles.
Tossin' rocks into the Mississippi
We don't toss no stinking puny rocks.
After rock tossing and explaining to J why he couldn't go swimming about 50 times, we returned home for lunch. We had chicken nuggets and mac and cheese - I may have dropped the ball a little on Easter dinner! But, that was what J wanted, so that is what we had. The rest of the day was spent taking a nap (bonus - two in one weekend!), playing outside and playing games.
It was definitely a break from tradition for us this year, but it was one of the best Easters I can remember having. We slowed down. We played. We laughed A LOT. We enjoyed the gorgeous day we were given and I felt like this might have been one of the few Easters that we really did right. It is fun to have egg hunts and Easter baskets. To see family and friends and spend time together. And we did those things. But Easter day was more about just being together enjoying the life we can have because Jesus died on the cross for us and forgave our sins. I think that is more the point than peeps and jelly beans (although I do love me some peeps!).
Happy Easter Everyone!!!!
Jackson and I dyed Easter eggs on Good Friday. We also kept busy making M&M/frosting/pretzel flowers. Well, I made flowers, J ate M&M's. It was a good partnership. We needed the pretty, bright colored M&M's for the "petals" but not the brown ones. J was free to consume as many of those as he wanted. Our eggs turned out great and he was really into coloring them this year. We had great weather and took the eggs and dye onto the porch for coloring. We had a few splashes (when eggs are dropped into a cup of dye, it tends slosh onto the table). We had a few cracked eggs. And we learned that vinegar not only smells bad, it tastes bad too (I swear this child tastes EVERYTHING!).
We spent Saturday morning at a kids event held at a local church. There were crafts, a bouncy house, egg hunts and even lunch! J hung out with one of his buddies from daycare and declared on the way home that "I'm tired. That wore me out." So, we napped! Hooray! Nap time was followed up with church and pizza dinner.
He just loves Miss Maddie!
But Sunday was the highlight of the weekend for me. Our plans were changing continually for the days leading up to Easter. Ultimately, we decided to take a laid back approach to the day. J rose early (as usual) excited to see if the Easter Bunny had come. He found a couple eggs before spying his basket. The Easter Bunny had been inspired by something he read. It said that a good gift for a child consists of: something they want, something they need, something they wear and something to read. Based on this, J's basket held a Hiro train (from his favorite Thomas video), a new frisbee (to replace our old one that broke), a short and t-shirt set and some books to help learn sight words. But, Easter Bunny could have saved a bunch of money and just bought the train. J was ELATED with Hiro. He played with that train all day, slept with it that night and took it to daycare the next day. Even when he was hunting the rest of his eggs, his mind is still on Hiro:
All smiles posing with Hiro.
After the eggs were found (all 18 - no one was free to go until they were all located. No stinky eggs for us!), we let J pick our activites for the morning. He chose playing at the park followed by throwing rocks into the Mississippi. We slid, climbed and swang. We skipped stones and even got to see a train go by while we were down by the river. Mostly though, we ran around and laughed and were silly:
Also, notice his dad doing nothing to discourage him :)
After rock tossing and explaining to J why he couldn't go swimming about 50 times, we returned home for lunch. We had chicken nuggets and mac and cheese - I may have dropped the ball a little on Easter dinner! But, that was what J wanted, so that is what we had. The rest of the day was spent taking a nap (bonus - two in one weekend!), playing outside and playing games.
It was definitely a break from tradition for us this year, but it was one of the best Easters I can remember having. We slowed down. We played. We laughed A LOT. We enjoyed the gorgeous day we were given and I felt like this might have been one of the few Easters that we really did right. It is fun to have egg hunts and Easter baskets. To see family and friends and spend time together. And we did those things. But Easter day was more about just being together enjoying the life we can have because Jesus died on the cross for us and forgave our sins. I think that is more the point than peeps and jelly beans (although I do love me some peeps!).
Happy Easter Everyone!!!!
Friday, March 30, 2012
Lately I am noticing little aspects of J's personality emerging. I see him do things and they make me so proud of who he is and confident in the person he will become. At least, I hope what I am seeing is the foundation of the good hearted, kind person I hope he is as a man.
One thing I noticed recently is that J is very kind to smaller kids. He ADORES his cousin Anna (age 18 months) and has always been very patient, considerate, gentle and kind with her. He has recently started calling her his "sister" and asks about her every day. I have always been impressed with how he treats her (because patient, kind and gentle aren't often words that can describe three year old boys). But, recently, I saw him around another child of the same age. J was so sweet to this little girl. There were many children playing and jumping around, but J made sure to look after her. The kids were taking turns jumping off a ledge onto a huge beanbag. J helped this little girl onto the ledge, took her by the hand and then they jumped onto the bean bag together. When bigger kids came around, he made sure they weren't going to land on her and that she had room to jump. He shared his toys with her and they got along exceptionally well. I hope this is a trait he never loses. I hope he always looks out for the little guy. I hope he always makes sure that people who are littler, slower, younger or whatever are watched out for. Because to me, a big part of a person's character is how they treat "the little guy".
Jackson and "sister" Anna
I have also noticed recently that J has the tendency to be a daredevil. He likes to try things that make my heart leap into my throat when I see them. He doesn't see things as too hard or seem to be intimidated out of trying them. But, I also noticed that he doesn't throw caution to the wind and just dive into dangerous things either. He is very methodical about testing the limits of what he can do. Again, I hope this translates to the rest of his life. I hope he always has the desire to try things that might be intimidating or daunting to him, but that he does so responsibly. I also hope that he never looks at something and thinks, "That looks hard or risky, so I won't try it." Instead, I hope he says, "That looks hard, but I think I can do it. I won't know until I try."
Downhill racing. We don't have a bike helmet yet, so this
Was J's solution (lol).
The next Evel Kneivel? Maybe if he grows a little.
Also, J has recently started being able to sympathize with people and will apologize without us making him. That may seem silly to a lot of people, but that is important to me. A good example of this was a few weeks ago. J dropped something on his dad's foot and it very obviously hurt his dad. Ryan left the room to let off the steam and J was visibly upset that he had hurt his dad. I have told him before that it is up to him whether or not he says sorry, but that when we hurt someone (no matter why) we should say sorry. This time I didn't say a thing. His dad returned and with no prompting, J said ,"sorry daddy" and gave his dad a big hug. Why does that matter to me? Because it shows empathy. And because it was sincere. J could understand that his actions hurt someone. It also shows an understanding that an apology isn't just for wrongs we MEAN to do, but for those that are accidental too. I want J to always to admit when he made a mistake be quick to offer a sincere apology. Too many people don't value empathy and sincerity anymore. It is a small example, but I hope it is the first stop on the path to a man who does value those qualities.
The last trait I see emerging in J is gratitude. I love to hear him thank people for things. Especially when I don't have to prompt him. Obviously, it is good manners, but I hope it goes deeper than that. I hope he realizes that people are being generous to him and that he appreciates it. And I hope he in turn will be generous to other people. A while back J received an unexpected gift. It wasn't a big, over the top gift, but J loved it. Upon receiving it, he said to me, "mom, these cars are awesome, I need to write a thank you note." Hallelujah! All those cards we have written may be sinking in! I hope that J is always thrilled by any gift given to him, no matter the size. I hope the surprise of someone acting kindly to him never goes away and that any time someone is kind to him, he continues to say, "thank you, thank you, thank you!" with that smile on his face and twinkle in his eye. And I hope he only continues to grow in his desire to give to others. I love it when we are at the store and he sees an item and says, "you know who would like that? Daddy. Let's get it for him!" I want giving to be as exciting as receiving for my son. When J gets a new toy, we have a rule that he has to pick one toy to give away. The last time he got a new toy, I reminded him to pick one out to donate. Without a single complaint, he said, "yeah, because some kids don't have toys and they might like playing with one of mine".
This is the smile and the eye twinkle I was referring to!
Kids are obviously works in progress. Adults are too. We all need to learn and grow and be reminded to be kinder, more understanding and more generous. Seeing J start to "get" these concepts helps me to be mindful of these things too. And it reinforces to me to keep on him about those things because he does get it. Even when I think he doesn't. Hopefully, he continues to impress me!
One thing I noticed recently is that J is very kind to smaller kids. He ADORES his cousin Anna (age 18 months) and has always been very patient, considerate, gentle and kind with her. He has recently started calling her his "sister" and asks about her every day. I have always been impressed with how he treats her (because patient, kind and gentle aren't often words that can describe three year old boys). But, recently, I saw him around another child of the same age. J was so sweet to this little girl. There were many children playing and jumping around, but J made sure to look after her. The kids were taking turns jumping off a ledge onto a huge beanbag. J helped this little girl onto the ledge, took her by the hand and then they jumped onto the bean bag together. When bigger kids came around, he made sure they weren't going to land on her and that she had room to jump. He shared his toys with her and they got along exceptionally well. I hope this is a trait he never loses. I hope he always looks out for the little guy. I hope he always makes sure that people who are littler, slower, younger or whatever are watched out for. Because to me, a big part of a person's character is how they treat "the little guy".
I have also noticed recently that J has the tendency to be a daredevil. He likes to try things that make my heart leap into my throat when I see them. He doesn't see things as too hard or seem to be intimidated out of trying them. But, I also noticed that he doesn't throw caution to the wind and just dive into dangerous things either. He is very methodical about testing the limits of what he can do. Again, I hope this translates to the rest of his life. I hope he always has the desire to try things that might be intimidating or daunting to him, but that he does so responsibly. I also hope that he never looks at something and thinks, "That looks hard or risky, so I won't try it." Instead, I hope he says, "That looks hard, but I think I can do it. I won't know until I try."
Was J's solution (lol).
Also, J has recently started being able to sympathize with people and will apologize without us making him. That may seem silly to a lot of people, but that is important to me. A good example of this was a few weeks ago. J dropped something on his dad's foot and it very obviously hurt his dad. Ryan left the room to let off the steam and J was visibly upset that he had hurt his dad. I have told him before that it is up to him whether or not he says sorry, but that when we hurt someone (no matter why) we should say sorry. This time I didn't say a thing. His dad returned and with no prompting, J said ,"sorry daddy" and gave his dad a big hug. Why does that matter to me? Because it shows empathy. And because it was sincere. J could understand that his actions hurt someone. It also shows an understanding that an apology isn't just for wrongs we MEAN to do, but for those that are accidental too. I want J to always to admit when he made a mistake be quick to offer a sincere apology. Too many people don't value empathy and sincerity anymore. It is a small example, but I hope it is the first stop on the path to a man who does value those qualities.
The last trait I see emerging in J is gratitude. I love to hear him thank people for things. Especially when I don't have to prompt him. Obviously, it is good manners, but I hope it goes deeper than that. I hope he realizes that people are being generous to him and that he appreciates it. And I hope he in turn will be generous to other people. A while back J received an unexpected gift. It wasn't a big, over the top gift, but J loved it. Upon receiving it, he said to me, "mom, these cars are awesome, I need to write a thank you note." Hallelujah! All those cards we have written may be sinking in! I hope that J is always thrilled by any gift given to him, no matter the size. I hope the surprise of someone acting kindly to him never goes away and that any time someone is kind to him, he continues to say, "thank you, thank you, thank you!" with that smile on his face and twinkle in his eye. And I hope he only continues to grow in his desire to give to others. I love it when we are at the store and he sees an item and says, "you know who would like that? Daddy. Let's get it for him!" I want giving to be as exciting as receiving for my son. When J gets a new toy, we have a rule that he has to pick one toy to give away. The last time he got a new toy, I reminded him to pick one out to donate. Without a single complaint, he said, "yeah, because some kids don't have toys and they might like playing with one of mine".
Kids are obviously works in progress. Adults are too. We all need to learn and grow and be reminded to be kinder, more understanding and more generous. Seeing J start to "get" these concepts helps me to be mindful of these things too. And it reinforces to me to keep on him about those things because he does get it. Even when I think he doesn't. Hopefully, he continues to impress me!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Things No One Tells You (Part I)
I have been thinking lately about the things no one tells you when you embark upon parenthood. I am titleing this part I because, let's face it, J is only 3. I am certain there are going to be infinitely more things that I encounter that will make me think "How come no one told me about that?" Because clearly these are things that every parent knows. When you talk to friends and tell them of a recent experience, they shake their head in a sympathetic way because they have been there too. Yet, they don't warn you. Well, I am putting it all down here. Whoever reads this will have fair warning!
The first thing that no one tells you is that not all children sleep through the night. To hear other moms tell it, their babies reached 6 or 8 weeks of age and began sleeping from 7pm to 7am with not even a whimper in between. But, there are other moms that don't tell you that you could get a kid like J. (Maybe they don't share this one because they don't want to send frazzled new mothers into a tailspin .) J is the world's wost sleeper. I always said he was a happy baby and easy going to make up for the fact that he never slept. That was the trade off. Happy baby, bad sleeper. He was one before he made it for an all night stretch. It is not uncommon for him to have nights where he wakes up 4-5 times (always for such incredibly important reasons such as "my socks hurt" or "I want toast".) And in an everage week, if he sleeps all night 4 of the 7 nights, I am happy. I am also happy if he stays in bed until 6a.m. That is the rule. Now that he knows numbers, he isn't allowed to get up until he sees 6:00 on the clock (although, this morning, he laid awake whispering loudly: 5:44, 5:45, 5:47 so the 6:00 rule didn't really pay off there!).
You also don't get told that everyone will judge how you parent. Yup, everyone. And it is super frustrating! Although, I have concluded that this one is all about karma. Because before you had kids, who hasn't thought, "Man, that kid is acting up, seriously can't you control them?" or "Seriously, get that screaming kid out of here!". And then you have your own kids and karma gets ya! No one warns you of the extreme embarassment you will experience. But, they also don't tell that you that EVERYONE'S kids have meltdowns. Mine is no exception. And eventually, they all do it in public. And when it happens, the young women look at you like you are the worst parent on Earth because they don't have kids yet and haven't been through it. The moms with older or grown kids do the same because that same hormone that makes you forget how painful labor is apparently also makes you forget what little nincompoops your kids can be. The only ones who understand are the other moms who are abandoning their full grocery carts in the middle of the store to take a screaming kid out to the car.
And to follow that one up, no one tells you just how hard this parenting thing is! Sure, you hear people say it is hard. But, no one tells you the nitty gritty, down and dirty truth. It is ridiculously hard. You juggle your job, your child, what passes for your social life, your home, your marriage. You function on the already mentioned lack of sleep and cram more into one day than you ever though possible. You will be tired, stressed and overwhelmed. Your heart will break when you have to discipline your child or take them to get their shots. You will be sad when their feelings are hurt or they are mistreated. You will be frustrated because, darn it, this kid just won't behave! But the flip side of this reality is that when that child hugs you and says, "I love you mommy" or crawls in your lap and says, "I'm cold, warm me up", you will know happiness and contentment that you could never imagine. The truth is also that you will have moments that take your breath away. You will experience happiness, pride and love like you never thought possible. So, I guess the basic warning should have two parts: you will be closer to losing your mind than you ever have been before, but you will be so in love with that child that you won't care. I think that sums it up!
Also on the list of top secret mommy info is the fact that you will never feel like you are doing a good enough job with your child. You don't get a nice pamphlet entitled: Mommy guilt: You Are Not Alone. No one tells you that you will lay awake in bed debating whether or not to run your sick child to the ER, which formula to use, which diapers to buy, did you give them enough time, love attention etc.? Or that you will agonize over whether or not to send them to Kindergarten or wait a year. Or that you will obsess about just about everything they do all the time. I don't know if there is an adequate warning for this. But here it is: WARNING: You will lay down to sleep each night and think, "was I a good enough mom today? Could I have done more or been better? Do I have everything ready for tomorrow?" Honestly though, the fact that you are thinking that, means you are one darn good mom.
And to end on a light note (since this got heavier than I thought it would!), no one ever tells you that boys are gross (maybe some girls too!). It is as simple as that. They are nasty :) They think fart and poop jokes are funny from the moment they learn to laugh. It is hard wired. They will touch things that make you cringe. They will run around in dirty, smelly clothes and not care one bit. They will eat things off the ground and wipe their noses on you. They just can't help it. It is a DNA thing.
There you have it. Installment number one of "Things No One Tells You." Stay tuned. This kid is full of good material :)
The first thing that no one tells you is that not all children sleep through the night. To hear other moms tell it, their babies reached 6 or 8 weeks of age and began sleeping from 7pm to 7am with not even a whimper in between. But, there are other moms that don't tell you that you could get a kid like J. (Maybe they don't share this one because they don't want to send frazzled new mothers into a tailspin .) J is the world's wost sleeper. I always said he was a happy baby and easy going to make up for the fact that he never slept. That was the trade off. Happy baby, bad sleeper. He was one before he made it for an all night stretch. It is not uncommon for him to have nights where he wakes up 4-5 times (always for such incredibly important reasons such as "my socks hurt" or "I want toast".) And in an everage week, if he sleeps all night 4 of the 7 nights, I am happy. I am also happy if he stays in bed until 6a.m. That is the rule. Now that he knows numbers, he isn't allowed to get up until he sees 6:00 on the clock (although, this morning, he laid awake whispering loudly: 5:44, 5:45, 5:47 so the 6:00 rule didn't really pay off there!).
You also don't get told that everyone will judge how you parent. Yup, everyone. And it is super frustrating! Although, I have concluded that this one is all about karma. Because before you had kids, who hasn't thought, "Man, that kid is acting up, seriously can't you control them?" or "Seriously, get that screaming kid out of here!". And then you have your own kids and karma gets ya! No one warns you of the extreme embarassment you will experience. But, they also don't tell that you that EVERYONE'S kids have meltdowns. Mine is no exception. And eventually, they all do it in public. And when it happens, the young women look at you like you are the worst parent on Earth because they don't have kids yet and haven't been through it. The moms with older or grown kids do the same because that same hormone that makes you forget how painful labor is apparently also makes you forget what little nincompoops your kids can be. The only ones who understand are the other moms who are abandoning their full grocery carts in the middle of the store to take a screaming kid out to the car.
And to follow that one up, no one tells you just how hard this parenting thing is! Sure, you hear people say it is hard. But, no one tells you the nitty gritty, down and dirty truth. It is ridiculously hard. You juggle your job, your child, what passes for your social life, your home, your marriage. You function on the already mentioned lack of sleep and cram more into one day than you ever though possible. You will be tired, stressed and overwhelmed. Your heart will break when you have to discipline your child or take them to get their shots. You will be sad when their feelings are hurt or they are mistreated. You will be frustrated because, darn it, this kid just won't behave! But the flip side of this reality is that when that child hugs you and says, "I love you mommy" or crawls in your lap and says, "I'm cold, warm me up", you will know happiness and contentment that you could never imagine. The truth is also that you will have moments that take your breath away. You will experience happiness, pride and love like you never thought possible. So, I guess the basic warning should have two parts: you will be closer to losing your mind than you ever have been before, but you will be so in love with that child that you won't care. I think that sums it up!
Also on the list of top secret mommy info is the fact that you will never feel like you are doing a good enough job with your child. You don't get a nice pamphlet entitled: Mommy guilt: You Are Not Alone. No one tells you that you will lay awake in bed debating whether or not to run your sick child to the ER, which formula to use, which diapers to buy, did you give them enough time, love attention etc.? Or that you will agonize over whether or not to send them to Kindergarten or wait a year. Or that you will obsess about just about everything they do all the time. I don't know if there is an adequate warning for this. But here it is: WARNING: You will lay down to sleep each night and think, "was I a good enough mom today? Could I have done more or been better? Do I have everything ready for tomorrow?" Honestly though, the fact that you are thinking that, means you are one darn good mom.
And to end on a light note (since this got heavier than I thought it would!), no one ever tells you that boys are gross (maybe some girls too!). It is as simple as that. They are nasty :) They think fart and poop jokes are funny from the moment they learn to laugh. It is hard wired. They will touch things that make you cringe. They will run around in dirty, smelly clothes and not care one bit. They will eat things off the ground and wipe their noses on you. They just can't help it. It is a DNA thing.
There you have it. Installment number one of "Things No One Tells You." Stay tuned. This kid is full of good material :)
Friday, March 9, 2012
The Dells
This past weekend, our family ventured to the North for a short get away. I had never been to the Dells, but have heard that it is a must-do for families. J likes the water and swimming, so we figured this would be right up his alley. After, packing enough stuff for a trek to the South Pole (seriously, I over pack so badly it is ridiculous!), we headed out on Sunday for some water park fun.
The ride to the Dells was much quicker and smoother than expected. Anticipating boredom, I packed everything I could think of to occupy J during the 2 1/2 hour ride (crayons, books, tractors, trains, my ipod stocked with new games and enough snacks to feed a small nation). Turns out, we really didn't need much of that stuff. J was a car-riding rock star! He was happy playing "I Spy" type games and commenting on things we passed. Or he amused himself with silly made up games like "Hiding under my greenies". He did ask "Are we there yet?" every time we slowed down or stopped along the way (Roughly 732 times, I would guess). And he commented that the ride was "long" and that "I am waiting forever and ever to get there!". But, that was the worst of it. Upon arriving, he once again asked if we were there. Ryan and I happily said"YES!" to which J replied, "Oh.... well, that didn't take very long."
Our hotel was the Wilderness Territroy, which I highly recommend. It has three attached water parks and a huge 4 story play area for kids. There is an arcade, indoor mini golf, laser tag, pottery making and all kinds of outdoors stuff we couldn't try on this trip, but will certainly try in the future (To the Wildernss Hotel group- you know where to send payment for this endorsement). Plenty to keep an active 3 year old and his parents very busy.
We checked in and I pack muled our stuff to the room (husbands and kids mysteriously disappear when there is heavy lifting to be done). We quickly donned swimsuits and were off to the water park. Our first stop was the Water Dome. A huge glass covered area where the main attraction was a huge wave pool. I didn't think J would be into the idea of a wave pool, but I was so wrong! He LOVED it! And not just gently riding the waves. He preferred to have waves breaking in his face, submerging him. He laughed his hilarious little laugh the whole time.
We stayed for a couple hours before J got too cold and we headed back to our room. We ordered pizza and hung out before we turned in.
The next morning, we were up, suited and waiting for the water parks to open (my only complaint is that nothing opened before 9a.m. and that is a lot of time to kill when you are up at 6!). We started out at the wave pool again, but this time, the glass dome ceiling filtered in a ton of sunshine and it felt like a day at the beach. After we stopped for a snack, we mosied over to the Klondike Cavern Water Park.
Once there we set a new world record for longest time spent floating on a lazy river (okay, Guinness hasn't confirmed this, but I suspect it is true!). J loves to people watch (just like me!) and was satisfied floating around watching people on the slides and seeing the 1,000 gallon bucket dump water all over. We rode the river until lunch. We followed that up with a family nap (hooray!) before hitting the third water park, the Wild West Town. This was a lot more J's speed. More geared towards little people with smaller slides. After that we cleanedup, put on respectable clothes (no swim suits for dinner out!) and hit the town for supper. We all fell into bed exhausted, but happy.
On our final day, we opted to spend the morning in the 4 story play area. We figured more water park would mean a soggy, uncomfortable ride home. J was okay with this arrangement as he had a blast in the play area. It was equipped with every kind of slide, crawl space and climbing apparatus you can imagine. It also had air cannons that shot nerf balls. J was more into gathering up "ammo" in the totes provided that he was shooting them, which worked out well because his dad was waging war on some 8 year olds and needed a steady supply of nerf projectiles. There is something so wrong about seing a 39 year old trying to snipe a kid using a gun shaped like a rodent.
Once I tore Ryan away from the guns, we crawled around with J for a couple hours. (Coincidentally, it was that long before Ryan could walk totally upright again following all that crawling around.)
The play area wore us out and did J in too. We got in the car and he promptly fell asleep for part of our ride home.
It was a very nice break from reality for all of us. I got to be "off duty" for two whole days (no cooking, no cleaning, no work!!!), J got lots of fun time with mom and dad and a good time was had by all. I must also say that J was nothing short of angelic the whole time. He really made the trip enjoyable and I appreciated his good humor each time we encountered a child in a nuclear melt down. We will most definitely be returning to the Dells!
The ride to the Dells was much quicker and smoother than expected. Anticipating boredom, I packed everything I could think of to occupy J during the 2 1/2 hour ride (crayons, books, tractors, trains, my ipod stocked with new games and enough snacks to feed a small nation). Turns out, we really didn't need much of that stuff. J was a car-riding rock star! He was happy playing "I Spy" type games and commenting on things we passed. Or he amused himself with silly made up games like "Hiding under my greenies". He did ask "Are we there yet?" every time we slowed down or stopped along the way (Roughly 732 times, I would guess). And he commented that the ride was "long" and that "I am waiting forever and ever to get there!". But, that was the worst of it. Upon arriving, he once again asked if we were there. Ryan and I happily said"YES!" to which J replied, "Oh.... well, that didn't take very long."
Our hotel was the Wilderness Territroy, which I highly recommend. It has three attached water parks and a huge 4 story play area for kids. There is an arcade, indoor mini golf, laser tag, pottery making and all kinds of outdoors stuff we couldn't try on this trip, but will certainly try in the future (To the Wildernss Hotel group- you know where to send payment for this endorsement). Plenty to keep an active 3 year old and his parents very busy.
We checked in and I pack muled our stuff to the room (husbands and kids mysteriously disappear when there is heavy lifting to be done). We quickly donned swimsuits and were off to the water park. Our first stop was the Water Dome. A huge glass covered area where the main attraction was a huge wave pool. I didn't think J would be into the idea of a wave pool, but I was so wrong! He LOVED it! And not just gently riding the waves. He preferred to have waves breaking in his face, submerging him. He laughed his hilarious little laugh the whole time.
The next morning, we were up, suited and waiting for the water parks to open (my only complaint is that nothing opened before 9a.m. and that is a lot of time to kill when you are up at 6!). We started out at the wave pool again, but this time, the glass dome ceiling filtered in a ton of sunshine and it felt like a day at the beach. After we stopped for a snack, we mosied over to the Klondike Cavern Water Park.
Once there we set a new world record for longest time spent floating on a lazy river (okay, Guinness hasn't confirmed this, but I suspect it is true!). J loves to people watch (just like me!) and was satisfied floating around watching people on the slides and seeing the 1,000 gallon bucket dump water all over. We rode the river until lunch. We followed that up with a family nap (hooray!) before hitting the third water park, the Wild West Town. This was a lot more J's speed. More geared towards little people with smaller slides. After that we cleanedup, put on respectable clothes (no swim suits for dinner out!) and hit the town for supper. We all fell into bed exhausted, but happy.
On our final day, we opted to spend the morning in the 4 story play area. We figured more water park would mean a soggy, uncomfortable ride home. J was okay with this arrangement as he had a blast in the play area. It was equipped with every kind of slide, crawl space and climbing apparatus you can imagine. It also had air cannons that shot nerf balls. J was more into gathering up "ammo" in the totes provided that he was shooting them, which worked out well because his dad was waging war on some 8 year olds and needed a steady supply of nerf projectiles. There is something so wrong about seing a 39 year old trying to snipe a kid using a gun shaped like a rodent.
Once I tore Ryan away from the guns, we crawled around with J for a couple hours. (Coincidentally, it was that long before Ryan could walk totally upright again following all that crawling around.)
The play area wore us out and did J in too. We got in the car and he promptly fell asleep for part of our ride home.
It was a very nice break from reality for all of us. I got to be "off duty" for two whole days (no cooking, no cleaning, no work!!!), J got lots of fun time with mom and dad and a good time was had by all. I must also say that J was nothing short of angelic the whole time. He really made the trip enjoyable and I appreciated his good humor each time we encountered a child in a nuclear melt down. We will most definitely be returning to the Dells!
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